THUNAIDealing with intrusive memories, shame, guilt to feeling safe in your body and in relationships. Practicing Self-care.
It could be daunting after you realise you had been abused as a child or after an assault. Our heart goes out for you and our minds will work for your recovery.
This is a gist of the basic building blocks of your recovery from the trauma.
Step 1: Awareness and Acceptance: Open up about what happened to you:
It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you worry about judgement, or feel dirty and weak. It may seem easier to stay silent, but in doing so you might deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood. As scary as it is to open up, it will set you free. To begin the first step, reach out to someone you trust like a friend, therapist, or rape hotline. Challenge your sense of helplessness - Remember that you have the strength to heal and you can learn more coping skills to get through this time. You may also consider joining a group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors.
Step 2: Acknowledge feelings of Guilt and Shame, But Know they are not Needed:
It is natural for our minds to bring up feelings of guilt and shame. These feelings can surface immediately following the assault or over time. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the abuser or the rapist.
Keep repeating “I’m not at fault. Something terrible was done to me. But i will overcome this”.
Step 3: Flashbacks and Memories - There are ways to make them less scary or even go away:
When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. But some traumatic experiences can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert, where you might become hypersensitive to small stimuli, have flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive memories. To reduce the stress of these, train yourself to self-soothe, with grounding exercises or breathing exercises (Please see our Get Help Section for ideas). Anticipate and prepare for triggers (such as certain places, sights or sounds), and listen to your body’s danger signals (such as feeling tense, racing thoughts). As you practice these techniques, you will eventually be able to handle these surging emotions.
Step 4: Reconnect to your Body and Feelings:
To cope with your body’s hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but not fully living. Signs that you are doing this, include feeling physically shut down, dissociating from your body or surroundings, or having trouble concentrating and remembering things, to name a few.
While the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous. “Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them”. You can achieve this through techniques such as rhythmic movement, mindfulness meditation, or yoga that you will find on these web pages.
Step 5: Stay connected with People who Care:
It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following trauma, and feel tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. It is easy to feel self-pity and to think that nobody cares. This is far from the truth. Many people care about you though they may not be able to show it appropriately. Support from these people is vital to your recovery. Participate in social activities, reconnect with old friends or make new friends to stay connected.
Step 6: Nurture Yourself:
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma disappear completely. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear. Take time to rest and restore your body’s balance by using relaxation techniques, avoid media consumption that can trigger negative reactions, and take care of yourself physically with proper food, sleep and exercise.