THUNAISelf-Compassion plays an important role in a person's well being. And is an essential component of healing from trauma. To foster self-compassion, you need to learn of
Self-kindness (Do you treat a loved one the way you treat yourself?),
Common Humanity, or reminding ourselves that others suffer like we do, and
Mindfulness, or learning to be in the present moment without judgement.
One of the most painful aspects of trauma recovery, especially for survivors of sexual violence, is the shame and self-blame survivors experience. We beat ourselves up for what happened. We go over the details in our minds and all the ways we think we "should" have acted differently. This leads to an immense amount of suffering.
By practicing some self-compassion, we can arrive at a mental space where we can respond to painful thoughts with kindness, connectedness, and mindfulness. This might sound like:
"I am OK just as I am. I did the best I could with the skills and knowledge I had at the time.
"I am a human, with a brain that responds just like other humans, and part of our common humanity involves pain and suffering."
"I am going to choose to be with this pain that I am experiencing, and notice how hard it is for me at this very moment."
When we approach our post-traumatic responses in this way, they often have a shorter duration and become less overwhelming over time. At first, it may feel impossible! Just like any new skill, the more we practice self-compassion the more intuitive it becomes.