THUNAIIt can be very difficult and heart-wrenching to see a loved one struggling with symptoms of mental illness or trauma. And often it can be hard to know how to best help and support your loved one.
Every individual is different and situations vary greatly. The person may have a specific diagnosis, or you may just have concerns about the way a person has been talking and behaving. You know your loved one and may have an understanding of what approach or support will be most helpful. However, below are a few tips and things to consider when you are trying to help a loved one.
Know the warning signs of mental health problems:
For example,
Withdrawal from social interaction,
Unusual problems functioning at school, work or social activities or
Dramatic changes in sleep and appetite are possible signs.
Too much drinking or eating (weight gain)
These signs alone are not enough to prove the person is not well. They may be going through a tough phase. But it is a sign for us to be more compassionate and kind.
How to get started?
One of the hardest and most important steps may be just starting the conversation. Express your concern and willingness to listen and be there for the person. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Reassure them that you care about them and are there for them.
Use "I" statements.
For example, use "I am worried about you…," "I would like you to consider talking with a counselor….". Do not say things like "You are putting on weight…." or "You should get up early and focus on your work….". This is an important skill set in any relationship. Keep practicing this.
Try to show patience, be caring and try not to be judgmental of their thoughts and actions. Listen; don't disregard or challenge the person's feelings.
Encourage them to talk with a mental health care provider or with their doctor or social worker if that would be more comfortable for them. For some people, it may be helpful to compare the situation to a physical health concern and how they would respond. For example, if there was a concern about diabetes or high blood pressure would they be likely to seek medical care? Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength.
Learn about Mental Health Conditions and Treatments:
Educate yourself. The more you understand about conditions, symptoms, possible treatments and what to expect, the better you will be able to support your loved one. Use recognised websites online.
Help address potential barriers:
Try to anticipate and help address any potential barriers to the person seeking help. For example, find out about local resources available to help. You can make it easier for the individual by researching potential therapists, hours, locations and insurance related issues. If you think they might be barriers, address possible issues with transportation, childcare, family issues, work issues, etc.
Seek support for yourself:
While you're focusing on helping your loved one, it's also important to take care of yourself – physically and emotionally. Reach out for help for yourself if you need it. Recognize and acknowledge the limits of what you can give.
Blogger Victoria Maxwell writes: "When my mother was ill with the swings of severe depression, mania, and anxiety, I was worried as well as angry with the situation. I needed someone outside the family to freely discuss my frustrations and hurt without the fear of upsetting her. A qualified therapist offers clarity, objectivity, solutions not previously seen and a place to safely deal with the emotions rising from such difficult circumstances."
Expectations and Collaboration:
It is important to have realistic expectations. Recovery is generally not a straight-forward process. There will likely be improvements and setbacks along the way. With the permission of the person, you can work with their treatment team to help provide support.
Even if you feel your support and actions are not making a difference, they are likely making a difference for your friend or family member. You loved one may be hurting and not clearly recognize what you're doing. They may not be able to express appreciation. But knowing you are there for them can be important in helping their recovery.
Just listen to them and be there!