THUNAIOur friendships are among the most valuable relationships we have. Whilst they are social relationships and change over time, it is easy to think back to a time when you needed to rant about something, or needed some support with school or work, so you called a friend. Or even a time when you gave comfort to one who needed it, and felt good about being able to support them.
Whilst in lockdown, you may even have found yourself wanting to reach out to one. Our friendships are a crucial element in protecting our mental health. The fact is, it feels good to be listened to, and it also feels good to listen when our friends want to talk.
Why is friendship important when someone is unwell?
A common symptom when a person is experiencing mental health difficulties is withdrawal. This involves avoiding calls and messages, and social activities. People with mental health problems often need different things from their friends at different times and friends show their support in different ways.
So despite the social withdrawal, it is important to try to keep the friendship going because friendship can play a key role in helping someone live with or recover from a mental health problem and overcome the isolation that often comes with it. Many people who do manage to keep their friendship going feel that it's stronger as a result.
How does mental health affect friendships?
People with more severe forms of mental illness have smaller social networks than others and have more family members than friends in their social circle.
People with smaller social networks, with fewer intimate relationships, find it more difficult to manage social situations.
People with more long-lasting mental health problems often have relationships mainly with other people with mental health problems.
People with mental health problems often anticipate rejection from other people because of the stigma associated with mental health. They may avoid social contact, as a form of 'self-stigma'.
Should I tell my friend about my problem?
As long as you are comfortable. You don't have to tell your friends - and you certainly don't have to tell everyone if you are going through something. However, tough as it can be, talking to close friends can be important for both of you.
Even if you don't talk about it again, having the issue out in the open means that you don't have to worry about mentioning it by accident or 'explain away' medication or appointments. It may also make clear why you may be behaving in a particular way or why you don't want to go out or talk to them much.
How to tell a friend about my problem?
Some things to think about for your comfort:
Pick a friend you trust and are comfortable with, and a location (quiet? indoors?)
Think about whether you’d be doing an activity together, or just sitting to talk.
Do you want to meet them? Phone them? Write to them?
Be prepared for a response – especially if they would be shocked or don’t know how to respond because they haven’t been in this situation before.
Remember that you aren’t doing anything wrong by telling them. Take it one step at a time.
How to respond to hearing about my friend’s problem?
This could be a difficult thing to do for them. So the most important thing to begin is to tell them that you're still their friend, and that you are there to listen. If your friend is comfortable with being touched, a hug shows that you care about them and that you accept them whatever problems they are having.
Take your cue from your friend. Are they comfortable with questions or would they rather talk about something else? Don't promise things you may not be able to deliver. How can you help them best?
Know your limits. Your friend isn't looking for another mental health professional and should expect nothing more than your affection and your support as a friend. Some people with mental health problems want to go on being as 'normal' as possible with their friends and that may mean continuing to laugh and have fun together.
They don't want to be identified by their problem, even if you need to adapt some of the activities you used to do together. Moreover, give them space - you don’t have to frequently be in contact for it to be a good friendship. Rather simply knowing that they can reach for support when they need it is important.
Mental Health first aid:
These are five steps that research shows can help people with mental health problems:
Assess risk of suicide or self-harm (this needs some training - please contact Sneha or similar organisation)
Listen non-judgmentally
Give reassurance and information
Encourage the person to get appropriate professional help.
Encourage self-help strategies.